the classlessness

i'm really bored in chemistry right now. fucking a, i got a 5 on my ap chem test, and yet i still have to take a nonmajors class to fill out my credits. there are people in here marvelling at the idea of orbitals. i'm absolutely stumped at how i ended up here. it's almost a comment on my work ethic, or lack thereof. waning ever since middle school, and by junior year i was firmly locked into senioritis. sometimes i wonder if i ever shook that feeling of carefree lack of responsibility. that laziness that seems to define me in the eyes of my hard-working, get-it-done-yesterday friends. i used to take offense to their jabs, but no longer...it's just their way of venting. i deserve it; in a way, to them i'm one of those kids that coasts through life without regard for the concept of hard work, the enemy of the working man. ehh. i don't have a huge problem with that.

the professor just made an incest joke. my spine is in pieces.

i wonder who that kate c is. i really do think i'm in love with her, mind you. not because of the whole gay porn thing, but for a more normal reason. she writes so fluidly, her ideas flow exquisitely without weighing down what she's trying to say. i want to write like that, that oscar wilde "i'm short and sarcastic and dry love me" way of spewing your ideas onto paper in a quick and acidic fashion. people lap that up. i don't blame them. it's easily my favorite style of writing, that point-blank deadpan snarker type of pen.

awful chemistry pun. now he's wondering why nobody laughs at his jokes.

man, i'm still lovesick. saturday night proved that. aggressive drinking seems to bring out my dramatic pre-highschool self, and from what i have pieced together thus far, i apparently couldn't handle being at that party with all its different implications. between dancing around one of those girls long enough to realize i still have feelings for her despite saying i bounced back a few hours after being rejected, and remembering last year's phi tau escapades with kristen and abby (god, was THAT a shitshow,) i snapped and left in a huge, messy production. i need to stop dragging people down with me. like i said yesterday, i'm sort of a train wreck. it's slowly but surely happening. regardless, i'm still stuck on her, even though this could just be me idealizing her after she dumped me because i haven't been dumped in years and forgot how it felt. we would be awful together. remember kristen from high school? it would be that bad. no, not the pool hookups, us actually being together. THAT bad. but i don't care! because i don't think things through. that's exactly what i vowed to stop doing, racing in without thinking. then again, what else does a train wreck do but run headfirst into things?

the professor's talking about smoking crack in austria. class dismissed.