the disparity

Nagging voices, that tightness in my chest took hold, she loves him, you’re both only fooling each other, why don’t you just give it up, I began panting to relive the stress, but no avail, you’re no good, just second best like always, my eyes shifted nervously, scanning the room for something that was not there, ha, what a waste of time, you’re just the punchline to every joke, my eyes must have been as big as plates by then, I dare not look as they passed, shutting out the world around me, don’t try and ignore it, you can see them going by in the corners of your eyes, you know it’s all true…

Just give up.

Don’t bother anymore.

You finished last, again.

Accept it.

“I won’t.”

You must!

“No I don’t!”

Why not? What good does being hopeful bring for you ever? How many times has it cut the rope out to leave you falling back into that pit of despair you seem to live in? You despicable pissant, you don’t even make an effort to get out, either. Just stay in there and stew, then. Once you fall without your precious net because “this time it’s different, I won’t get hurt, it’ll be good, we’ll be good,” just stay down there for good. It’s not like anyone else will give two shits about your precious absence.